Wacky Weddings

January 24, 2008

I just returned from a week long trip back to the frozen Midwest. My dear niece was married and all my sisters were gathered in one place for the first time since 2005. There were typical last minute emergencies. I got to contribute a headband to the bride’s coiffure and loan my nephew a pair of black socks to wear with his tux. It was a lovely ceremony and though we heartily approve of my niece’s choice of a young man, my sisters and I boo-hooed in the appropriate places.

Since I’m a singer, I’ve seen a lot of weddings over the years (and been asked to sing a lot of totally inappropriate songs! ‘I don’t know how to love him’ from Jesus Christ Superstar is tied with ‘I’d rather have Jesus’ for the ‘What Really Shouldn’t Be Sung At Weddings’ prize!) I’ve squirmed through ceremonies where the nervous young bride giggled uncontrolably through her vows and seen more than one groom lock his knees and faint dead away. But probably the worst gaffe is the one where the ceremony started WITHOUT THE BRIDE!

Everything was going well. My handbell choir had rung a festive prelude. The groom was in place. The bridesmaids had done their stately step-touch down the aisle. The bride and her father were waiting behind the closed santuary doors for their musical cue. Then the organist stopped his Pachelbel to change the stops before launching into Here Comes the Bride.

 And he took too long.

The minister decided the silence meant he should start into his spiel. I was in one of the wings with the handbell choir I was directing, gesticulating furiously and mouthing “Stop! We need the Bride!”, but nothing could turn the pastor from his recitation of the opening charge. He even led the  bewildered congregation in a prayer. I know the poor little bride must have felt like she’d entered the Twilight Zone or something because they were having her wedding without her. Then the pastor finished praying and raised his head.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess we need the bride.”

The organist launched into his belated Lohengrin, and the back doors to the sanctuary flew open. Every one always says all brides are beautiful and there’s no doubt this one was. But her glare could have melted steel at ten paces. I don’t think anyone blamed her.

It just goes to show that life and love aren’t always perfect and that’s ok. Do you have a funny or poignant wedding story to share? Weddings, births, funerals–these mileposts remind us that life is slipping by. I hope yours is slipping by with lots of laughter and joy.




2 Responses to “Wacky Weddings”

  1. Angie Fox said

    LOL Great post.

    Our family weddings are always interesting because I come from a family of klutzes. Pick an event, any family event, and somebody will fall, spill a dish of peas, hit another family member’s car (Wrecks have happened on several occasions actually. We should phrase invitations: Come to the Fox Family Reunion. Bring your insurance card).

    So weddings are always interesting. My brother was married in a lovely historic church in St. Louis. It had just undergone a restoration and had new everything. The caretakers obviously didn’t know my family’s history or they never would have let us set foot inside the place.

    During rehearsal, they showed us a lovely table with very thin legs where the communion wine would be placed. To complicate matters, they wanted the table in the middle of a long aisle, surrounded by my family members. My soon to be sister-in-law protested, she knew what she was dealing with. The wedding planner pooh-poohed her concerns. We took bets on who would accidentally knock over the crystal decanter first.

    I was especially concerned, given I had to walk past the delicate table, in a rather large dress. Thank goodness my cousin, Matt, got to it first. Before the ceremony even began, he knocked the table, breaking the crystal pitcher and soaking the new church’s carpeting in wine. I think the table even lost a leg.

    Matt was embarrassed to say the least. I’m ashamed to admit that the rest of us were a bit relieved. We knew someone would “Fox-up” that day, and at least it wasn’t one of us.

  2. cathiecaffey said

    LOL on the wedding! I’m deaf and I remembered music for the reception, but when my wedding was to start, they asked me where the singer or person was who would play music to me walking up. I said “there’s music then?” LOL. I had no idea! So I walked up and it was totally silent. We still laugh about it today after soon 25 years in June.

    Emily/Diana, thrilled to find your blog! So waiting for the book to be out! Mine will come as soon as its released!

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